Shaken Read online

Kaylan glared at her brother, refusing to let him off the hook. “You stabbed me in the back, Micah Matthew Richards. How could you bring Nick here today of all days? He’s already made it clear that I’m not worth his time.”

  “Kaylan, that’s not true, and you know it. He just couldn’t deal with a relationship and a deployment. Neither one of us knew just how insane this lifestyle would be. And now our first deployment is over. He’s changed, Kaylan. A lot. He’s my best friend and a good guy. I’d never bring him if I thought he would hurt you again.”

  “Don’t try to charm me with that grin of yours. It may work on other girls, but not on me. You’re my brother. You’re supposed to protect me.”

  She put on an elaborate pout, but the betrayal truly stung. Since childhood, every time she had scraped her knee or a boy had broken her heart, Micah had picked her up and carried her away from it, his back between her and the world. This time he had left her wide open to take enemy fire with no protection.

  He flipped one of her auburn curls, and she fought a smile. “Believe me, I will always have your back. And I know he hurt you, but I really think you should hear him out. Give him a little credit. You aren’t the same person anymore. Maybe he’s changed too.”

  How could she be so frustrated with her brother, so wary of Nick, yet somehow drawn to him? Just not today. Any other time but today.

  “I just wish you had told me first. I need to . . . I have some . . . I have a huge decision today, and I wish I didn’t have to deal with Nick.”

  Micah’s brown eyes bore into hers, and she was reminded of how stubborn he could be. She didn’t need him asking questions she wasn’t prepared to answer. “What kind of decisions, Kayles? And why haven’t I heard about this?”

  “I haven’t said anything because I’m not totally sure, and I haven’t even talked to Mom and Dad yet.”

  “Are we talking about a life-altering, anger-management-required decision? Or small, insignificant, won’t-be-a-big-deal kind of decision?”

  She avoided his eyes. “Definitely life altering. I’m not entirely sure Mom and Dad will be supportive. Or you.”

  “Kayles, what are you talking about?” He crossed his arms and took a step closer. That look could convince a lion to retreat mid roar.

  “There you are.” Kaylan whirled away from Micah’s gaze as Seth’s russet hair and bulky linebacker frame filled the doorway. Kaylan never ceased to marvel that the youngest Richards child looked the most intimidating but owned the biggest heart of them all. “Are you done primping yet? I’m so hungry, and Mom’s making us wait for you. You always look great, so what’s the holdup?”

  Kaylan was thankful for the interruption. Seth was her constant comic relief. “You’re always hungry, Seth.”

  “Hey, I’m a growing boy. You don’t want me to get squashed like a bug on the football field next year, do you? These college guys are huge, and I won’t be a redshirt freshman anymore. I gotta pack on the pounds so I don’t break.”

  She patted his stomach, knowing her brother worked far too hard to be anything but muscle. “All right, baby brother, let’s get you some food.”

  “You know, people never believe you when you call me your baby brother. I outgrew you a long time ago. How tall are you? Maybe 5’8”? I’ve got almost nine inches on you.”

  “You’re a giant. Why haven’t you been snacking?”

  “Mom keeps slapping my hand away, and David and Dad are hovering around the food, guarding it like squirrels. I need to eat.”

  Kaylan and Micah laughed at their brother’s whiny tone.

  “I’m serious, Kayles. If you don’t come now, I’m going to throw you over my shoulder and carry you in there.”

  She held her hands up in surrender and backed into the footboard of her bed as he advanced toward her. “Okay, okay. Let’s go feed you.”

  Micah’s whispered tone startled her. “We’re not done, Kayles. I want to know what’s going on.”

  It was hard to believe only hours before hats had danced through the air and cheers and camera flashes had bounced off the walls of the University of Alabama’s Coleman Coliseum like lightning bugs desperate to escape.

  Was she really finished with college, ready to conquer the world? Was she ready to settle down and “get an adult job,” as Sarah Beth liked to say? Or should she take that famous “road less traveled,” one that could take her to who-knows-where?

  “Y’all go ahead and tell Mom to let you snack. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  After her brothers left, Kaylan slipped down the stairs and headed down the back hallway to her favorite spot in her parents’ lake house, the sunroom overlooking Lake Tuscaloosa. There she stood at the windows, but her mind was miles away from the view. Her options stretched endlessly to the horizon like railroad tracks splitting in two different directions. One was rife with parental expectations and a solid career track. It was a red carpet to her dreams of becoming a dietician—work at home, start her internship in August, get licensed. The other road stretched in a direction only God could ordain. Poverty-stricken Haiti called to her—families without money, food, and proper health care. It was miles away from normal and safe. So why had she even considered it? The idea had seemed like a great one when Sarah Beth first proposed it—volunteer in Haiti for six months, gaining some real-life experience in dealing with poverty and malnutrition. But now that it came time to pose the idea to her parents, the idea seemed crazy. Was Haiti the lesser road that would make the difference in her life?

  She needed to call her best friend. Maybe Sarah Beth could help her face her parents and navigate this final decision that could determine her future.

  She found Sarah Beth’s name in the list of her favorites and dialed. As the phone rang, her mind bounced from Haiti to Nick to graduation like the ball pinging off the rails in a pinball machine. Her head ached. Or was it her heart?

  “Now what, Lord? Stay at home and work, or go to Haiti? And what do I do about Nick?”

  Chapter Two

  SARAH BETH’S VOICE rang in her ear. “What do you mean you haven’t told them yet? I thought you took care of this.

  Kaylan, go and tell your parents. Now.”

  “Maybe I could wait a day. Or two.”

  “Kaylan Lee Richards, if you don’t tell your folks by the end of today, I’ll do it for you. I’ll be over there this afternoon as soon as our family party ends. I’m leaving right after Christmas for Haiti, and if you’re coming with me, you’d better get your parents on board. Besides, aren’t you ready to actually help people instead of just talking about it?”

  Kaylan had known she wanted to study nutrition since high school when she did a school project about malnutrition in children. That dream had led her into a college program focusing on dietetics. The final step to becoming a registered dietician was an internship, which in her case began in August. Because of her grades and her senior research project on nutrition alternatives, a dietetics program in California had unofficially promised her a spot—quite a privilege, since internship spots were competitive. She had planned to spend the next few months preparing for the internship. Then Sarah Beth came to her with the Haiti idea, and a new dream was born. One that she had yet to share with her parents.

  Kaylan took a deep breath and shifted the phone in her hand. She wanted to go to Haiti, even if it meant possibly jeopardizing her internship. That realization strengthened her resolve. “I’m coming, Sarah Beth. I’ll tell my family after dinner.” Sarah Beth cheered, forcing Kaylan to hold the phone away from her ear.

  Her heart beat wildly against her ribs. She’d just made a decision that could change the course of her life. Who knew what could happen in Haiti? The looming black hole almost made her second-guess her decision. Almost.

  “Why haven’t you told them yet?”

  “I don’t know. Things just happened so fast with my big research project this semester, finals, graduation. I’ve been so busy, and leaving always seemed so far away, so surreal. Now all
of a sudden, I’m out of time.”

  “You still have time, Kayles. It’s not too late. But it’s time to stop living safe, and start having the tough conversations. Just focus. Pretend I’m your dad and just shoot straight. Ready?” Sarah Beth’s voice grew deep and gruff in a poor impersonation of Kaylan’s dad. “Honey, why do you want to go to Haiti?”

  “Bubbles . . . .” Kaylan used her childhood name for Sarah Beth.

  “Kayles.” All sense of joking dropped from Sarah Beth’s voice. “Remember when we dressed up as superheroes when we were kids? Sheets on our shoulders and paper masks?”

  “You mean our glory days of nerd-hood?” Kaylan laughed. “I still have that cape.”

  “Good times. It was back before we worried about our future or our grades. We dreamed, and we dreamed big. We always wanted to save the world. And this is our chance to do that.”

  “So we’re taking our superpowers to Haiti?”

  “Kayles, you need to think about this. Don’t go for me. Go because you want to be there, because you want to see the Lord do big things. I don’t have the skills to help heal people, but I can be there for them and invest in their lives. Why are you going, Kayles? Pray about it. Before you make a decision. Before you talk to your dad.”

  Kaylan’s dream stemmed from her desire to help people. She could sit in Alabama for months, working at the dance studio and helping her mom with her interior decorating business. The days would pass as she waited for her internship to begin in August. Or she could go to Haiti and help people who were hungry and didn’t have the money for medical care. She could make a difference and begin living her dream now instead of waiting years.

  She released a long breath. Her parents had always encouraged her dreams and helped her to think long term. Was this just a selfish craving for adventure, an outpouring of restlessness and change? Was it wrong to think short term? She lacked qualifications and professional experience, but she wondered if she valued those things too highly.

  “I’ll tell Mom and Dad before I go to bed tonight.”

  “Awesome! I was hoping I hadn’t talked you out of it.”

  Kaylan laughed. “You think I’m going to let you wear that cape all by yourself? We’re a team.” Her laughter faded as an old wound surfaced again. “Hey, Bubbles, by the way . . . Nick’s here.”

  “Really? Knight in shining armor returns to woo gorgeous, distressed graduate. Sounds like a Hollywood smash. Knock him dead, Kayles.”

  “I’m serious! What do I do? What do I say?”

  “Well, would you want to explore a relationship with him again? Maybe he isn’t the same guy who left last time.”

  “He still left, Sarah Beth.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  Trust her to shoot straight. Kaylan felt like a fickle preteen. “I guess it depends on why he’s back.” Her voice lowered as she gazed through the floor-to-ceiling windows at the lake shimmering in the light. “Between you and me, he still looks too handsome for his own good.”

  “I bet all that SEAL training didn’t hurt. I gotta finish cleanup so I can make it in time for Richards family football. See you soon. And Kayles, give Nick a break. It’s been a few years.”

  “All right, all right.” Kaylan ended the call and gazed at the waves lapping against the dock. Was she ready to see Nick? Was she ready to tell her parents her plans? Was she ready for the changes life was about to throw her way?

  “Kaylan!” Micah’s voice echoed through the house.

  “Coming.” With a final look at her reflection, she left the sunroom to join her family in the kitchen. Time to face Nick.

  Nick had endured a round of family greetings and grilling, and still no Kaylan. Taking a breather, he poured himself a Coke and crossed the room, pretending to take in the lake view from the windows. Whistles and cheers erupted behind him. Then the sound of her musical laughter. He turned to face the room, and there she stood. Tall and graceful, just as he remembered.

  Fierce longing engulfed him at the sight of her. How many nights had he lain awake in Afghanistan wishing, praying he’d never walked away? Nick clenched his jaw, rejecting the sudden rush of pain.

  “There’s my girl.” Scott Richards threw his arm around his only daughter.

  Nick lingered in the background, content to allow her family this time before talking to Kaylan for the first time in a long while. She looked good. Her youthful glow had faded somewhat, but it had been replaced by the beauty and maturity of a young woman. Her face lit up under the attention of her dad, the doting of her mother, and the affection of her brothers. She was in her element.

  “Where’s that diploma I paid an arm and a leg for?” Mr. Richards chuckled as the two shared a smile.

  “Well, I guess I could ask them to put your name on it too. But then I might never get a job, and you’ll be supporting me for life.”

  “Well, if Dad’s name goes on it, mine should too, since I had to listen to you cry or stress out every time you had a project or test,” Seth grumbled.

  “Put my name on that list too,” Mrs. Richards said as she added the last platter of sandwiches to the kitchen island.

  “On second thought, that piece of paper is all yours. Congratulations, honey.” Mr. Richards kissed her forehead as he reached for a strawberry. “Dig in, gang!”

  “Finally.” Seth dove for the food as the rest of the family grabbed plates and lined up around the island.

  Nick braced as the space between them cleared and Kaylan’s eyes found his for the first time. Her wavy, auburn hair fell a couple inches below her shoulders. The faint crease where her graduation cap sat earlier spoke of her accomplishments. Her red sweater draped her slim body in all the right places, conservative and classy. His memory hadn’t done her justice.

  “Hi.” The word scratched his vocal cords, husky and thick. He cleared his throat as he approached, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

  “Hi back.” Her voice held a million questions, hesitant and guarded as if she’d fortified every wall against him. He inwardly winced.

  “Congratulations. You deserve every minute of today. I know how hard you worked for it.”

  “Thanks.” Her voice was soothing, like waves lapping a beach in the moonlight. He’d missed its gentle, musical tones.

  He studied her face: the excitement in her green eyes causing them to glow like emeralds, the slight upturn of her nose, reminding him of a pixie, and the light dusting of freckles around her nose, evidence of days in the sun.

  “I’m glad you’re home safe. How long are you back?”

  “Micah invited me for Christmas, and then we have to head back to California right after.”

  She crossed her arms and took a step away from him, clearly upset but trying to maintain her calm. Her family moved behind them in the kitchen, talking and eating.

  “And clearly Micah forgot to tell you.”

  “If he invited you, then you’re welcome here. No one should be alone for the holidays.”

  “Thanks.”

  She turned to grab a plate, then paused. “It’s good to see you again, Nick.”

  “Maybe you’ll be seeing more of me.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

  Her words cut deep. “Kaylan . . . ”

  “Hey, you two.” Micah threw his arms around both of them. “This is a party. Why so serious? Come grab some food.”

  “What is it with you and Seth and food?” Kaylan backhanded her brother’s stomach, and he dropped his hand from her shoulder.

  “You are starving us. We had to sit through all those names this morning. It was very draining.”

  “Hey, that’s not nice.” She fought a smile.

  “Just being honest.” His grin could melt ice. As Kaylan gave in to his teasing, Nick remembered how close Micah and Kaylan were.

  “You better watch it, bro, or I’ll . . . ”

  “Where’s our Sugar?”

  “Pap, Gran!” Kaylan hurried to greet
her grandparents as they entered the kitchen carrying a tray of brownies. Nick grabbed a plate and began to fill it, praying about how to navigate a celebration he had clearly interrupted, at least in the eyes of the day’s star. He circled back around to Kaylan’s side getting close enough to whisper in light of the noise, “Could you give me some time this week? You know, talk, catch up?”

  She studied him. “Sure.” Without another word she ducked in the middle of her family, joining the festivities.

  Nick’s hopes rose. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Maybe, just maybe he could win her back. As he joked with Seth and Micah, he silently prayed for the conversation to come.

  Richards family football remained a comical, competitive tradition. Usually Kaylan’s brothers tested her to her limit, teasing her and pushing her to run harder, hold on to the ball, and score. In a family of boys, Kaylan had long ago learned to never give up. It fed her competitive nature.

  “You ready, sis?” Seth whispered in their huddle. She and Sarah Beth sucked air into their lungs in shallow bursts. Her days of prepping for finals without hitting the gym were catching up to her.

  “Let’s beat these guys!” Sarah Beth high-fived Kaylan and wiped sweat from her face.

  Kaylan nodded at Seth. “I’m ready, little bro.”

  “Remember what I taught you. Don’t drop the ball. Butterfingers are not cute to macho SEAL snipers.”

  “Hey! I’ll catch it.”

  “Watch me for the signal.”

  “The signal is so dumb.”

  “Dumb or not, it works. Go, team!” They lined up, Kaylan right across from Nick. His smirk made her hope Seth sent the ball her way, just so she could put Nick in his place.

  Sarah Beth hiked the ball, and Seth caught the snap. He stuck his tongue out at Kaylan, and she took off like a shot, dodging Nick and using the strength from years of dance to propel her across the yard to the makeshift end zone between two large trees. She could hear Nick on her heels and Sarah Beth’s cheers as David and Micah shouted back and forth, blocking Sarah Beth and trying to stop Seth from sending the ball Kaylan’s way. Her parents and grandparents cheered from their rocking chairs on the wraparound porch.